 Ok ok, so Maputo isn’t all fun & fungus, ya know! We’ve been trying to spare you all the mundane problems of trying to get work (trabahlo) done here… but a few, just a few of you seem to have taken note (and perhaps offense) that all we write about is las festas e bebedao. And… well you’re right. But we are here for a reason and though Jamy doesn’t like to talk (or write) about it much, you just have to take our word that we are getting lots accomplished.
If it is mundane details about minor accomplishments you want… then details yee shall have... Read on MacDuff…
How to buy a cell phone in Maputo: first thing, learn Portuguese. Ok, now that that’s done (NOT)- go to a local mCel store and point at all the phones you want and ask their prices, one by one. Then make the people behind the counter use a calculator to compute the exchange rate into U.S. dollars because 7 million (anything) just sounds like you’re getting ripped off. Then after having asked the price of every single phone… simply buy the cheapest one (Note: if you make it seem like that was your intention all along…. A friend you will have NOT made). And it’s a great way to make a typically easy-going Mozambican snarl behind a fake smile. Then, you should always try to complicate things by attempting to purchase 2 phone numbers while only purchasing one phone. (I BROUGHT A PHONE! I BROUGHT A PHONE!!) Hey, what else did you have to do today? And then top it off, BIG TIP HERE, before purchasing arm yourselves with this bit of valuable information: phone card minutes are NOT purchased in minutes. (Yup, you heard us right). They are purchased in dollars. Except in Mozambique dollars are called Metticais and the word is usually abbreviated as Metts. Gringo-speak for minutes, however, apparently sounds a lot like Metts… so even though we had a huge conversation about how we wanted to buy one hundred and fifty minutes for two phone numbers (even though we only had one phone), we were sold one hundred and fifty metts worth of phone use… (Wow, Jamy that was so cheap, see really we can get things done! Our language skills are coming along quite nicely). FYI: one hundred and fifty Metts workes out to be exactly 6 minutes of talk-time… about one and a half conversations. Wooooo, those Americans are such big spenders! And so knowledgeable about technology too.
Oh yeah, but the stores here don’t take American Express… something-or-other about this not being America... we didn’t argue (my sister warned me, “Now don’t give those Africans any sass. They don’t stand for sass over there.”) Bah. So we had to make a quick dash to the dreaded money machine. Money machines (a convenience in America) are dreaded in Maputo because as an American in Maputo, trying to use a money machine is more akin to Saddam Hussein trying get gold bouillon from bank to border during a GWB “shock & awe” parade. In other words, it ain’t pretty. But Jamy had my back. And as those of you who know her well, she’s like a rock under pressure… a sedimentary rock that is. (That’s why we love her though). It is a satisfying feeling however to type in $100 and receive about 750 large bills. But that’s the problem, you see… now you have to conceal this wad of cash that would make Daddy Warbucks feel like a pauper. And if you ever stop to watch the Americans, they are constantly sticking things in their pants, their bras, and wherever else. If I was a Mozambican I would just hang around money machines and just laugh my ass off… and that’s part of the problem… a lot of them do!
So, after making our first major purchase Jamy and I walked around and looked at the rest of the shopping center. It’s a really cool place that has just about anything you might need. But unfortunately the prices suck. Locals from South Africa import everything in there… but you might think the goods were imported by NASA employees fresh from the black-markets on Mars. We each bought a Portuguese book, of which the total came to about $65 U.S. Dollars. Now I can understand that books might be a little expensive here… but c’mon. Stephan King and George Orwell paperbacks just aren’t THAT good. How to improve literacy in poorer nations? Set up Double-Day print franchises. I don’t know… any way, I’m grateful: My copy of “Triunfo Dos Porcos” is doing wonders for my Portuguese. NOT KIDDING. I’m only on page 35 but I can already have limited conversations about farm animals and revolutions! Yes, I’m a big hit at parties now. But you guys don’t want to hear about that…
So until the next time… Tchau 4 Now and always Thanks 4 Playing.
|
